I hate when someone invites me to do something and I say “I can’t, I have things to do” and the other person says “What do you have to do?” because they know I have no life and I have absolutely nothing to do so I respond with something like “Oh you know, gotta drink some water later. That will take at least thirty seconds. Gotta plan ahead for that.”
There are children across the street talking about standing on the corner with a sign that says “Pay to watch dance”. This is what I get for leaving the house.
Today I publicly kissed a bread stick. I regret nothing.